Auto-Ethnography

I remember, as a child, my mom and dad would read to me quite often. They would read me a story every night before bed and sometimes, during the day, they would read me something from a magazine or the newspaper. My parents have always been very expressive readers so it was always like a little show when they read to me, and it became something I looked forward to every day. When I was a toddler, the selection of stories at my disposal was made up of those that my older sister (by 14 years) read when she was a child. I read a lot of Dr. Suess, the Litter Critter books, Clifford the Big Red Dog books, and the Bernstein Bears books. When I was learning how to read, my mom bought me a collection of short little books – of which I can’t remember the name – that helped me learn many of the basic sight words. Admittedly, I learned to read pretty quickly because I really did not like the way my sister read. I wanted to “hurry up” and learn how to read on my own so I didn’t have to rely on her to read me books while my parents were at work.

Throughout the early years of grade school, when I was still considered a beginner reader, Dr. Suess’s books and the Biscuit books were my go-to stories. I loved learning how to read and write in kindergarten, and I remember being so excited when our teacher read us books. In first grade, we became reading buddies with the fifth graders. We would take turns reading to each other and I was always amazed at how fluidly the fifth graders could read – I wanted to get to their level. As I got older and we started reading longer/bigger books in school, I was thrilled because I was, in fact, reaching – and eventually surpassing – the fifth-grade reading level. I read a lot of Junie B. Jones books, found interest in Shel Silverstein’s Where the Sidewalk Ends, and read numerous books by Roald Dahl. In fourth grade, my writing teacher gave us a sheet of random topics and each day we would choose one to write about. I loved this activity because we could take the topic any way we wanted to and it made writing feel very free. As a result of this practice, I started a writing notebook where I would write random, creative stories whenever I had free time. 

By sixth grade, I was an avid, skillful reader and writer – earning placement in all of the honors English courses in middle school. Through middle school, I read the Percy Jackson series, The Hunger Games trilogy, and anything written by Wendy Mass. My love for reading stayed strong through middle school, but I had a few horrible English teachers who made me feel self-conscious about my writing abilities. They were very picky and I started feeling as though I was bad at writing – I questioned whether I should be in the honors classes or not. To help me regain confidence, my mom signed me up for a writing camp after seventh grade. It helped me rediscover my love for writing, but I came to the conclusion that, although I loved writing creative stories on my own and enjoyed writing in my diary, I did not like writing essays for my teachers. 

In high school, I was still not confident in my ability to write essays for my teachers. Again, I had a few poor experiences with English teachers. In addition, the establishment of summer assignments for the honors/AP courses started making reading and writing feel like a chore. By senior year, I hated reading and writing, so much so that I often did not even read the books we were assigned (which made writing about them even harder and more agonizing). However, the summer before college, I started reading for fun again. I read (and reread) classics like Wuthering Heights, The Great Gatsby, To Kill A Mockingbird, and Lord of the Flies, as well as young adult literature, including anything written by John Green. By the first semester of college, I loved reading again, and I quickly regained my love for writing in my FILA 150 course, where we studied the presence of creativity in everything. As a result of my rekindled love for reading and writing, I decided to major in English, with the goal of teaching at the high school level in the future. 

At this current point, I love reading and writing as a whole. My favorite “genres” of books are classics and young adult fiction. I recently read The Sun Is Also A Star and LOVED it! I am also currently reading What If It’s Us? and (rereading) All-American Boys. I also write a lot in my free time. I write mostly poems (I think of them as my diary in adult form), but I’m also working on a novel with my best friend, titled The Run. I still have the writing notebook I started in fourth grade, with the sheet of random writing topics glued to the first page. I definitely prefer to write and read on my own terms, but I do still enjoy the literature we read in the various courses I take. I also enjoy making connections with the works we read and writing essays about those connections. I truly do love reading and writing, but I’d be lying if I said I never struggled to find the motivation to read and write for classes. Finding the motivation for free writing and free-reading is easy, but when it comes to class readings or essays, I often procrastinate until the last minute. Much of this is due to the anxiety that writing for the eyes of others causes me. I still struggle to have confidence in my writing so it takes me longer to complete writing assignments because I am constantly overthinking every word I write. 

The lack of self-confidence I felt for my writing in high school – and still feel now – is a major reason why I want to teach English. Writing can be and should be fun. It’s a way to express your thoughts and ideas, but it shouldn’t be viewed as a chore. As an educator, I will try to make writing fun for my students. Although I am not certain how I will do that, yet, it is still my biggest goal as a future teacher. In a similar way, I want to make reading fun for my students. I understand that teachers have certain standards they have to meet with their content, but I want to create a canon that contains literature that students want to read. I want to choose works that they can connect with. Most importantly, as an educator, I want to encourage my students to engage in reading and writing outside of school – I want to help them find joy in both practices – so they can develop a love for reading and writing (or at least a tolerance). Mainly, I want to do the opposite of what many of my teachers did. I don’t want to deter my students from reading and writing, because they open so many doors professionally and imaginatively.